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If the people we meet are our mirrors what is your mirror saying about you?

Australian Tapping Institute / EFT  / If the people we meet are our mirrors what is your mirror saying about you?

If the people we meet are our mirrors what is your mirror saying about you?

If the people we meet are our mirrors what is your mirror saying about you?

My recent relationship really highlighted to me how my primary love language is words of affirmation.  We were rather smitten with each other and both expressive communicators who felt safe enough with each other to share openly from the heart.  We gave those words of affirmation to one another.

Mirror mirror on the wall.

At times I would read our messaging again or while listening to him talk I could see him seeking validation from me, reassurance from me about himself.  I knew that his self-esteem had taken a bit of a battering during his marriage, so I wasn’t about to call this behaviour in any loud manner.  I just observed.  Afterall, there is nothing wrong with wanting our needs met, especially when we have our love languages being met, however it’s about the healthy ways we get these needs met.

I’m not sure I was always getting those needs met on a healthy level with him either.

I could read where I had sought his validation and affirmation of me.

I understand that we move through relationship as learning opportunities, and I am very keen to reflect upon myself when these thoughts show up. If he is needing this validation from me, what am I needing from him?

I also saw how I have been attracting men over many years who have high needs for external validation. The last two truly magnified how this behaviour showed up which allowed me to reflect that they were mirroring my thoughts of needing my words of affirmation, my love language, to be external.

What about my internal dialogue?   Wasn’t that enough?

What about my own voice about me?  Where had I allowed it to be silent? or not valued?

My recent breakup highlighted this so much.

I’m all for the lessons to be learnt so we can grow and evolve but sometimes it can take a while, well for me anyway. Maybe I’m a slow learner?

I’m an advocate for spending time with myself after any breakup.  I want to find the lessons, with kindness and compassion for myself, and him.  I want to grieve and give myself closure.

I want to show up as a better woman in the next relationship.  I want to continue my evolution no matter how hard or painful the last one was.

When I felt that urge to run, I breathed instead.  I sought wise counsel and I stayed in the relationship.  They were lessons to be learned and I was tired of my patterns. While I could see the upgrades in my dating choices, I wanted more. Sometimes I felt the urge to run so strongly, but I didn’t.

We enjoyed almost 6 months together.  This is a milestone for me in recent years.  I’m usually done at the 6-week mark so 6 months is big.  This latest relationship was birthed over a Sydney COVID lockdown with mandated lockdown keeping us apart.  We got to know one another through video, texting and the occasional clandestine meet up.  I really liked this slowness at the same time I was hating it. I learned a lot about my own need to control the timing and the outcome of things. He was the one out of area, so he dictated his rule breaking frequency.

I really enjoyed getting to know someone without them in my space too often, without the overwhelm of going from just meeting you to all-encompassing togetherness.

I learned a lot about myself.

I got to witness myself reaching for my metaphoric sword.

I got to witness myself step out of my thoughts about me and the story I was telling myself about how he was treating me, and I got to consider him and what was going on for him.

I got to witness myself giving a man the space, the love and compassion to be vulnerable with me without my unconscious fears triggering me.  I got to see my pattern of fear when the masculine wasn’t permanently strong. Old patterning of fearing death, rape, persecution without my masculine protector. But that world doesn’t exist anymore. I’m safe in my own in my feminine power in the world I live in today.  I got to see this fear, resolve, and release it.

I got to slowly feel into the parts of the relationship I liked, and I got to speak up about the parts I didn’t.  I didn’t speak up often enough or loud enough soon enough, in retrospect, but I learned valuable lessons.

I cried over the end to this relationship, but I won’t close my heart. I learned to open it and to trust.  I felt safe with this man.  I shared openly.  Vulnerably, as did he. And I felt safe.  I wish to repeat this.  I wish to go deeper.  I had finally allowed myself to love without my metaphoric sword in hand ready to battle at the first sign of danger or hurt or rejection.  I stayed the course.

Tears and ugly crying shouldn’t stop us from stepping back out again.  Tears and ugly crying shouldn’t be the reason we close our hearts. Sure, it fucking hurts but without that pain how do we know we feel anything?

I hadn’t cried for years.  I had tried many times to cry but couldn’t. The tears wouldn’t come. I didn’t even realise I had shut down until I cried this time. I didn’t realise I was keeping myself so busy in my head and in my body all the time, so I didn’t have to feel. My crying made me feel for the first time in a long time.

Yes, it fucking hurt to say goodbye to him.  More than I thought it would. It hurt my heart, yet I survived.

I’ll return to more books written by more men about how men think so I can decide what will serve me best in the next relationship.

I’m not into playing games.  They are cruel and tiresome.

I’m into authenticity and human-ness.

I’m open to allowing more of that into my world as I prepare to manifest in my next adventure when he aligns with me, and the universe puts us together.

Integrated leanings.

Purposeful manifestations.

A whole and complete life to be led.

I was fortunate to spend time with this man and gain the closure that I needed. It’s a gift we don’t always get. Men don’t need closure like women do. I needed to discuss, dissect and to know answers. I got this.  I thank him for that. We parted without me having any regrets at all.

I had my answer.  I understood.

I could see my lessons.  I wanted him to leave me.  I wanted it done.

I processed to a stage where I could close that door softly and move on.

I love that he came into my life.  I love the time we had.  I love that his time was up.

I love that my Guides assure me that they moved him along for a purpose, that he was never staying long.

I love that they have my back if I can allow flow. If I work to release my need for control and see the amazing life I have, the freedoms I enjoy, the passionate playful way I grow and build my business with my determination to create the Best EFT & Life Coach school that I can.

Trust.

Release.

Flow.

After all, as Ram Dass says we are all just walking each other home.

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If you love Tapping, marketing, biz talk & living a whole-hearted life, it's for you!