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Honesty is such a lonely word…

Australian Tapping Institute / EFT  / Honesty is such a lonely word…

Honesty is such a lonely word…

When do you expect honesty in a relationship?  Any relationship – friends – partner – children – parents –  lover – business associate. Is there a right time? Should we be expecting the other person to be 100% honest all the time?  Are little white lies ok? Are lies that are said so you don’t hurt the other persons’ feelings ok? Are some people more prone to telling lie than others? What’s the difference between lies and fibs?  What about the details that are omitted from a story? You haven’t actually been told a lie, just the important details that change the situation have been left off.

For everyone I think the line is quite different. And I think the relationship you have with that person also plays an important role too.  We will grant certain people certain leniencies in the truth department depending on who they are, where they fit into your life and quite specifically the nature of the lie.  Or perhaps it’s just me who does this. I asked around this this week “when do you expect honesty from someone?” and the overwhelming response is immediately, or always, but is this really true for us? I don’t think so.

One of my sons who is into car racing shared a joke the other day – “A man’s greatest fear is that when he dies, his wife sells his car parts for what he told her he paid for them”.  A blatant lie. He knows he is lying, she probably does too yet it’s a lie that’s seems to be ok. I think it’s the nature of the lie and the impact it has on our trust and safety that is the trigger.  Say the same man spent the same money on gambling and lied about it, his wife may start to fear their financial stability The same man spent the same money on a new sport or hobby that had him mixing in new circles may trigger her insecurities.  Same man. Same woman. Same money.

I’m also wondering how much of allowing lies is attached to our own self respect? Our own value of ourselves?  Does the nature and context of the lie matter? For example a lie from a mate won’t necessarily trigger insecurities, but a lie from your wife might. A lie from a child seems to often go unchallenged too I have noticed.  I certainly didn’t challenge every lie my kids have told me. Parents are often walking the fine line between developing a healthy self esteem on children and teaching them right from wrong.

If someone lies to you how do you react?   At what point do you react? As human beings, we are so much more intuitively attuned than most of us know about ourselves. The majority of the population is oblivious to this, they have shut down or ignore their gut feel.  We actually know when someone isn’t being honest with us.  However we don’t often feel secure enough to challenge it, or we doubt our intuition instead. Sometimes it’s a choice to want to keep the peace and not upset someone. We hope we are wrong even with alarm bells are ringing in our heads and again we ignore our intuition. Sometimes we feel the circumstances don’t warrant speaking up or we’re not emotionally invested enough with this person to say something.  Is it our own self worth? Is it social conditioning of being well behaved we don’t want to embarrass the other person? Is it a deep need to be liked so challenging the lie could impact this? Or is it deeper than that?

No one likes to admit to allowing themselves to be lied to but the reality is that most of us do,  regularly, frequently. We all have our line. That point where that lie, white lie or fib becomes unacceptable to you.

Where is your line?


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